hello
writing this down so that i can finally take break in my mind and just organize everything again.
the past couple weeks have been really exhausting and ....lonely.
i was busy with afs, japanese lessons, starting new semester, family and friends.
it sounds very fulfilling schedules but ironically it was the loneliest moment of my life. but thats okay.
after settling down in new place, many things have changed. my routine life, my mind, my surrounding and people around me also change. It was very quiet change but it shows.
the loneliest and saddest thing will be friend. Sad when everything is not what you expected anymore. Sad when the message you receive is not as affection anymore, sad how you are no longer their needs, you are no longer their priority when they have been yours all along. The most sad feeling when you realised, you thought they understand you but it just you misunderstand them. It just get lonely after that with no ending.
at the age of 23, i realized i am not easy to understand. no matter how easy it is to understand other people but not many, so far not much that really can understand you, beyond you.
but it really effects me now because it's no longer the same. i dont know whats went wrong. Is it me who changed? is it me who was too sensitive? is it me the problem here? or they just changed? or they just grow up? but im stuck
i couldnt find any answer but i do find a strong quote.
if they couldnt understand you, then you are not for them
it really hits me and make everything clear, my circle is very small.
i tried to be the normal that they can expected. I really tried but it nothing but pain.
I know.
blaming the others wont change anything. it wont change how i feels. but i desire for change.
so i just stay with ones who stay.
which is myself.
1211AM
27102021
