dream, it's free
▶ 09 March, 2021 7:46 AM 0 comment
konnichiwa
ever since i was little, listening to people's dream is always been my favorite moment. ever since i know i can dream and achieve too, i love listening to others and their journey. which is why when i was 15 i was mad when i know one of my classmate is scared of dream. which later now i realised, dreaming is nice but achieving is not for everyone. privilege's and rezk, and hard work. you need all that.
lately, my parents also have dreams. but different from mine.
then i realized, how dreams can effects oneself and also others at the same time.
our family currently in the preparation to move from our current house. Me, wishing to have my own bedroom and also normal house like others who have parents and siblings in one house. but my parents have different dream. which i dont hate them for that. i just feel kind of sad because i thought it was supposed to be like 'this' and others also will feeling 'this' like me. but um. idk?
this made me realised how i prefer to be staying far from my family. moving one place to another because sometimes i dont feel like there is a safe space or even 'me' space at home. i know this is all ngada je lebih. thats why i believe keeping it to myself is better than speaking it out. it's not like speaking it out will make my parents change their mind.
but at this age, i guess i miss the feeling of having whole family to myself alone. i guess im still that annoying kid that refuse to share since little.
i want to be child again. having complete 6 of us in one home and only us is something that i miss alot. who would ever thought i will be feeling like this at this age?
of course, my parents happiness is my happiness too. nothing make me happy than they are happy although im such a tsudere that doesnt really shows it when she likes something.
I also at the stage where im busy searching for future path and wondering which path should i step on first? also thinking of the new love all the time because my heart doesnt have anything else to do except thinking and longing for someone who i spent a few lines with instead of my family that i have spending a lot of chapters with. but having the new person, replace the previous heartbreak and i just hope this feelings can stop one day.
i want to do something that bring myself out again in the future. i dont know what is it but i hope i can find it oneday.
cheers to those who have such sensitive and emotional mind, you are one of the kind 🍷
1145
9/3/2021
