Today like finally i managed to have the courage to delete the biggest distracter in my life: Instagram. To be honest aku dah plan nak delete after i finished my last semester in foundation so i thought why not follow some people that i dont really have the courage to follow before. And it turns out my following and followers are full with people that i knew. Which really bothers me sometimes. Im not sure if this is what they call "a phase" but whatever it is, im choosing the best for my life. Screw what people thinks. Screw what my mind thinks. Follow your heart dear self. Stop hurting yourself. Stop hurting your mind.

Alhamdulillah i just deleted my instagram 1 hour ago and the burden that i had on my mind is slowly fading away. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. It's true when you only focus on your life and not others, you can see what the best for you and insyAllah become the better you. I am a sinner too. I am human too. I do feel anxiety and sad too. Sometimes my mind was shouting really loudly but no one could hear, no one could help. Sometimes i cried silently too because people around me are not expecting tears from me. Sometimes people had expectations of me and of course sometime i am no one compare to the expectations. Sometimes im a disappointment of myself too. Sometimes i hate myself too.

But I came to realize that Allah is there in whatever situation I am. I found that knowing other people's life routine is not making me happy at all. Instead, it made me feel jealous, envy, anxious, anxiety and all sorts of negative feelings which really bad for my mental health. I need positive vibes back. I am positive.

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March 6, 2018