konichiwa minna san!

im using GMT 8+ so two hours more and it gonna be 2015! Cheers!
i bet some of you are having a great new year's eve with family, loves and friends. and if you are not doing anything special tonight don't be sad cause you are not alone actually. literally im eating pretzels with chocolate and typing this thing tonight. and if you are having a sweet time tonight, i wish you enjoy it cause im freaking envy with you.

another year, again. day by day, year by year im slowly understand how the world works. how the people works. how my iphone actually works. how my tv actually works. how my tumblr actually works and everything. but not that everything. some of you might excited for 2015 and some of you might be well, a little depressed? cause it 2015. like me. my feeling are literally mixed up right now cause 2015 gonna be my senior year and a year where i'll facing a big and most important exam in my life. i don't want to think it as a burden. i just going to enjoy every last moment i'm at school with friends and of course focus my mind on the exam. wish me luck guys!!

“I’m definitely not the same person I was when this year started”

i still remember on my first day of 2014 i was so excited for school because i had passed my final test with flying colours and i think it was funny hahaha. i went to school with such a happy face and after a few days later you can see my face was slowly changing because i can't get into the class that i wanted. i was really angry that time because my parents think as a small matter when it matter so much to me!!!! ugh!! and after a week, i got into the class i wanted and i started to focus on my school activities instead of studying. after a few months it was okay until july. i started to get easily annoyed and sometimes i don't want to talk to people at all. all i can think that moment was "people are fucked up". despite that, i still wearing a perfect smile on my face at school.

a few months until final test and i think i was given a small test when i got selected for the second interview for something i hate to talk about. it's not like i'm jealous because i didn't get selected after that. it just i got mad at myself after i think about that. but for this special new year post, i'm willing too :))

final exam. i was not myself that moment. i was being fucking selfish. i didn't want to study with anyone. i felt so scared that someone gonna take my place as "the girl who got second in class". don't ask about first. that girl was beyond intelligent. i surrender. haha. i hate myself so so so so much that time. i just want to say sorry at everyone for the shit that i did. i just hope i won't be like that again this 2015. if it does, it will be really terrifying. i don't think i will be myself again after that. but thank God after the exam, i didn't have any school anymore. my 2014 high school ended.

one thing that i still can't learn properly is feelings. i still can't understand my feelings sometimes and i feel like shit and i still don't know how to tell people that i'm actually feeling like shit. problems with boys, urgh, can't say much i still can't interact with them properly. because i really want to talk to this guy but i just scared uuuugggghhhhh can't say how much i hate myself for being like that!!! BUT, one thing that i'm proud of is i can talk to society easily. either boys, older man or woman, man or woman, the cashier, the postman, the businessman , i can talk to them properly!!!!! yahuuu for me!! hahaha.

“If flowers can teach themselves how to bloom after winter passes, so can you.” 

 my hopes for 2015 : i hope my family and i can live longer and have a good health. i hope i can pass every exams that im going to take this 2015 with flying colours. i hope my relationship with my best friends and friends at school or not at school will keep growing. i hope i can make friends with male friends. i hope i can get close again with the friends that i lost contact with. i hope kind people will smile more. i hope bad people will stop the bad things they do and be kind people so they can smile. i hope animal can be treated in the right ways no matter what kind is it. i hope people who are trans or bi or homo or more will be treated equally. i hope rich people will concern more about nature so they can protect the nature more. i hope people will plant more trees. i hope people will stop with this "smart people" "stupid people". i hope i can get into any competition in 2015. i hope i'll save more this time. i hope i can stop lying to people how i feel. i hope any good anime will be airing in 2016 so i can focus on my studies. i hope the clothes that i like will reduce their price. i hope i lose weight. i hope people on tumblr will talk to me more.

okay i will stop until there because there are moreeeeeeee hahah. i hope everyone will stop suicide too!! cherish yourself more! if not you, who else?

ps: every beautiful quote that i had here are all credit to tumblr. including the picture too. Thank you owner! i hope you have a nice day. HAPPY NEW YEAR! (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ