Assalamualaikum.

This entry is special. For anyone that always check out my latest tweet dekat twitter mesti korang perasan ada setengah tweet yang i post macam ni "I really like boys smell" "I afraid of boys" "I hate studying with boys" kan? mungkin lah kan. First of all im not a lesbian. i really love to have fun with my girls and enjoy ourselves but. not with boys. I do love boys. But , i scared and i cant think anything when im with them. This is my story.

when i was little i really like to play with the boys. But , when i was 10 , i started to change my class. bila dah masuk kelas lain mesti lah awkward kan. luckily aku ada kawan aku. this thing happen when i was at sekolah agama. region school . after a few weeks at there i started biasakan diri. and i realize im in love.i stared to stare at him. watch every move of him and only thinks of him. In that class ramai gila budak so i datang lambat terpaksa duduk belakang sikit. dia duduk depan boleh. hahhaa . budak bijak lah kononnya :b untung senangkan cerita i describe dia as S okay? . that year i sangat suka dia. hari hari pandang dia. geram k. dah lah comel hahahaaha xp on the final exam. I failed. maybe it because i tak study hard sebab terlalu angau dengan S. jadi , i repeated my year. that year was awesome sebab dapat jumpa orang baruuuuu. then i notice yang S pun tak lulus! hahahahha. i was like , is this a fate? muahahahha! sepatutnya kitorang same kelas tapi i tukar. kalau belajar tengok muka dia mesti tak masuk otak punya! walaupun lain kelas , i selalu intai dia bila waktu rehat. hahahaha  and that year , i get number 2 in the class. see? how smart i am? ceh wah. k sorry.

I kan ulang darjah 4. lepas dua tahun darjah 4 dekat sekolah agama tu i naik darjah 5. kita orang still lain kelas. i really grateful yang kitorang tak sama kelas. Alhamdulillah lah masa tu! hahahha . after a few weeks dekat kelas tu , cikgu kelas kitorang nak pindah. i was like. bagus lah! hahah . actually masa tu i tak suka dekat guru kelas i tu. so i pikir dia pindah mesti cikgu baru masuk. tapi sayangnya tak . Kitorang kena split into some group then move to the other class. kelas yang lain semua cikgu garang garang except for kelas yang S masuk. i masa tu memang tak tentu arah! macam mana ni! cikgu yang lain semua dah memarah. mula mula nak masuk kelas yang lain tapi cikgu tu cakap dah penuh. nak buat macam mana lagi kan.... so petang tu termasuk kelas S dengan penuh malu ...... mata i pandang bawah je bila jalan depan kelas tu... ergh. memang tak suka lah masa tu...

so , i continued my painful life dekat dalam kelas tu. and my love for S become deeper and deeper. i always find a chance to walk beside him. to make him realize that im love him. things like that. on him birthday i decide to confess my love to him. i want to give him a present. i was too embarrassing nak bagi present to face to face. so i bagi dekat jiran dia . birthday dia masa tu tarikh kelahiran putera . so satu johor bahru cuti. so i bagi dekat jiran dia sehari sebelum birthday S suruh dia bagi dekat S masa birthday dia. tapi i dont know how this can happen jiran dia bagi dekat S selepas birthday dia. his neighbor bagi dekat S infront of me! siapa  tak malu bhai! dah lah dia bagi sbelum belajar! lagi lah tebal muka i masuk kelas tu! err. so lets just shut this down. on that night , i asked my friend , should i confess to him? should i? and on that night too my friend pergi text S cakap dengan dia yang i suka dia. and that i night i was really embarrassing but on the same time im hoping for the good answer. i just hoping he can be my first boyfriend. and the result is not like i planed. He turns me down. my friend ni pun pergi lah pujuk S . cakap yang i dah suka dia 3 tahun lah. cakap dari dulu i suka dia. and S ni pun cakap "Dulu? dulu dia sekolah sini ke? aku tak pernah nampak dia pun" . that night , i just sleep.

Monday. i scared to face him. but i still went to the school. when i entered the class and my eyes meets S's eyes my heart feels like gonna stop . i terus duduk tempat i. and my life continued until ...... October. S started to liked my bestfriend. A. A ni bukan kawan i yang tanya S masa tu! A is beautiful. she soo thin. but i dont really like A because of her attitude. but , boys cant see it because she sooooooo fake infront of boys. i cant tell anyone about her attitude because she is my friend. I love all my friend.

Sejak hari tu , S dah mula nak rapat rapat dengan A . tanya pasal A dekat i. and all that kind of love thing. My heart was black bila S tanya pasal A dekat i. ada satu hari ni , A tanya dekat S , kenapa S tak terima aku. and S give an answer. dia cakap sebab aku ni kepoh and bising" i was like , KAU PIKIR A TU TAK KEPOH? Dia gila babi kepoh kau tahu tak?! that is my feeling on that time. after that , ramai lelaki yang kutuk i. diorang panggil i gemuk lah. Kepoh lah. bodoh lah and all of it. i get enough of it. i tired of crying every night  just because of him. i can still remember that night , which i cry hardly and my eyes looks like vampire.

so when im with boys , im gonna be the quiet girl the world. and trust me. i hate it so much. nak berubah tapi susah. insyAllah one day saya akan berani kan diri pergi sekolah yang campur lelaki. insyAllah form 4 nanti :') nak cakap sorry jugak kalau ada yang tak faham story ni or what is the point im posting this. this is my blog and this is my story. i cry and get hurt by the person that i loved the most. the person that i always care. i just love you shahqir. thats all. bye. thanks for reading.

Labels: boyish, Life, me, special